Pregnancy is a hard time anyway, but pregnancy after loss is extremely difficult.

Our son Robin

When my husband David and I found out we were pregnant for the first time, we were so excited. We found out just before Christmas 2021, so it was like an extra Christmas present.

The further we got into the pregnancy, the more excited we got. We were constantly picturing what we’d be doing this time next year with our baby.  

Everything was going smoothly, and I had no symptoms. But at our 20 week scan, we found out our baby’s heart had stopped beating. Robin was born on 2 April.

Coping with our loss

It was talking that helped us get through our loss. I spoke to my husband, and eventually to a therapist. Being surrounded by loved ones was also really helpful.  

Sometimes we would talk and other times not, but it was helpful to know that I could.”

I also found good support resources on the Tommy's website. The support we received from the hospital's bereavement midwives was also invaluable.

Pregnancy after loss

Later that year, I found out I was pregnant again. There were a whole host of emotions. Excitement was the main one, quickly followed by anxiousness and nervousness.

I’d already been in touch with bereavement midwives to ask how the care would look if I was to get pregnant again, so I knew I was going to be looked after differently this time, which made me feel safer.  

I was then referred to Tommy’s Rainbow Clinic at St Mary's. I was under the care of Prof Heazell from around 16 weeks, and had regular appointments with the team.  

Care from Tommy’s

Pregnancy is a hard time anyway, but pregnancy after loss is extremely difficult.”

The team at the Rainbow Clinic really understand. The support we received, not only during our appointments, but at times outside of Rainbow Clinic day, was incredible. They’re so caring and listened to what we had to say. We felt like people, rather than just a number or another patient.

Our Rainbow Midwife, Emilie, was fantastic and made us feel supported at all stages. She would be so welcoming during the appointments, and always take my call if I needed to talk if I was having a particularly bad day.  

Prof Alex was also wonderful. He’s extremely knowledgeable and also very compassionate, which I know isn’t always the case. He made us feel at ease at all our appointments, especially during particularly anxious times.

Scans were particularly triggering due to the circumstances we lost our son Robin, but Prof Alex answered all our questions and explained everything he was looking for.”

Our rainbow boy

With the help of Tommy’s, and our wonderful Rainbow Midwife Emilie present, Our Rainbow baby, William, was born on 6 April 2023 at St Mary's Hospital. Having Emilie there was something we will always remember and be so thankful for.

Having a rainbow baby is like nothing I can describe. Having William placed on me once he was born was one of the best moments of my life.  

The sheer relief that he was here and alive was unbelievable.”

It's also really hard at times to think of what could have been. But if we didn't lose Robin, then we literally wouldn't have William. It's a bittersweet feeling.  

William is doing amazingly – he's absolutely incredible, such a happy, cheeky boy. He always has a smile and a wave for whoever he sees. He is 1 in April and we couldn't be prouder of him.

Fundraising for Tommy’s

To give back to Tommy’s, my husband, David, ran the London Marathon, raising over £1,000.

We also took part in the Rainbow Race which was in September, with all money raised going to the Rainbow Clinic at St Mary's. We got to introduce William to Prof Alex and Emilie, which was really special. William gave Prof Alex a big smile - it was like he knew who he was after hearing his voice whilst I was pregnant! 

My message to others  

To anyone going through loss, I would say that one of the best things I did was talk. Get all those thoughts and feelings (no matter how dark) out into the open and they don't sound or feel as scary once they are out of your head.  

Use your support system and never apologise for how you feel- grief creeps up on you at the most unexpected times.”

It really is ok to say no to an event, even if you have already said yes! Look after yourself before looking after anyone else. If you need any support then I wouldn't hesitate in recommending Tommy's.