We'll never forget our granddaughter Eloise

Our grandchild

My son, Charlie, has been with his fiancée Jess for 4 years. They have a daughter, Izzy, born in 2020, and in July 2023 they were expecting their second child. Izzy was looking forward to the arrival of her new baby sister, as she would then be a Big Sister and have a new playmate. 

There had been the usual concerns during the pregnancy, but nothing to indicate anything seriously wrong. Jess was under good antenatal care, and Yvonne and I were also both looking forward to the arrival of our new grandchild.

Eloise

July 18th, 2023 – a date etched in our memory – arrived.  It was 2 weeks before the baby’s due date. Yvonne and I had been out running early in the morning. Unfortunately, as our phone signal locally is poor, Charlie had been unable to reach us. Finally, our daughter Clare was able to get through to Yvonne.  

She just said: ‘the baby’s died.’”

It was such a shock. We immediately contacted Charlie, who told us Jess had woken up that morning and couldn’t feel any movement. She had driven herself to the maternity hospital, and was told after an examination that the baby had died. 

The rest of the day was a blur.”

A dense, lingering fog descended on the whole family.  

After our loss

The death of Eloise knocked all of us back.  

For a couple of months, I couldn't focus on anything except supporting Jess, Charlie, and Izzy. Yvonne and I invited them back to live with us for as long as they wanted. We were then able to keep a close eye on them all.

I couldn’t focus on anything other than the health and welfare of my family.”

Charlie and Jess received wonderful care at the maternity hospital. The bereavement midwives deserve a special mention.

Before the funeral, both my wife and I were able to hold Eloise for a few minutes.  I took a photo of our beautiful granddaughter, which I will treasure.  It was undoubtedly therapeutic for us to be able to cuddle her – albeit very briefly – before saying goodbye.

The funeral, which had been organised by the hospital, was very difficult. Somehow, we struggled through it. I wanted to say a few words.

Unplanned, I recounted the story of how, during a struggle uphill while out on a morning bike ride a week earlier, Eloise had come into my thoughts.  “I felt she was telling me to get up that hill!”

We met up with the Consultant Obstetrician and the bereavement midwife 3 months later. The post-mortem on Eloise had revealed that she had died from a blood clot in the umbilical cord on her side of the placenta. The problem had been with Eloise’s circulation, not with that of her mother. Nobody could not have foreseen it, or done anything to prevent it. 

The family have ‘benefitted’ from there being an explanation, from there being a cause.  We understand that many others who suffer from baby loss are not so fortunate.   

Explaining to Izzy

It was hard to explain what had happened to Izzy. She’d been role-playing with her baby dolls during the pregnancy. There’s just no way she could understand the concept of death.  We told her that ‘her baby sister was not coming home’. 

We talked to her about the fact Eloise had been unwell and had, very sadly, died. Izzy often dresses up with her cousins to play doctors and nurses, sorting out any ‘problems’ we pretend to have. To her three-year old mind, the simple question was: ‘why couldn’t the doctors do something about it?’.  ‘Didn’t they have medicine?’  

The future

As a family, we have accepted the loss of Eloise, and have stopped asking ‘why?’.  After the funeral, she was cremated, and her ashes are buried in a local woodland burial ground. We pay regular visits to the grave, and will continue to do so. 

We’ll commemorate her birthday, and we won’t forget her. She remains our fourth grandchild.”  

In September last year, during the fog, Charlie and Jess announced they were getting married. This practical development helped us as a family to focus on the future. And now, they’re expecting another baby.  

Jess is receiving wonderful care from her maternity hospital staff. As a pregnant mum who has previously been through baby loss, she is also under the care of the Rainbow Clinic located at her hospital.  

Coincidentally, Tommy’s is currently funding a long-term study into the impact of the Rainbow Clinic network. Jess has volunteered to be a participant in that study. 

Fundraising for Tommy’s

As we emerged slowly from the fog, the family looked to do something positive from the loss of Eloise. Jess and Charlie had received brilliant counselling from Petals. They, together with our son-in-law Sam, have raised substantial funds for that charity.  

I wanted to take on a physical challenge in memory of Eloise, and late last year signed up for the 2024 Ford RideLondon-Essex 100 bike ride.  We discovered Tommy’s soon after the death of Eloise, and, as the charity undertakes vital research into the causes of baby loss, I decided to use this challenge to raise money for Tommy’s.

I am proud to be a member of this year’s Team Tommy’s, and to play a part in the search for a lasting solution to the horrendous problem of baby loss.

The more people I speak to about the loss of Eloise, the more others open up about their own experience of baby loss.  

I’ve found out that lots of people I, or other family members, know have been through such loss, whether it be through miscarriage or stillbirth.”

I’m taking on this endeavour to raise awareness of this important issue, and to honour the memory of my beautiful granddaughter Eloise.